No End - Coffee and Story

想update一些去gold coast的照片
可惜windows更新換代，我outdated了，不會用...= =''''
就先擱置著先吧...^^

開學5個星期了，忙到我pk...
這個周末連續3天留在家趕legal的2200字essay
從現在開始到未來的兩個月，想見我就打電話給我吧...太忙了...

雅思成績出來了，復習了兩個星期，考了8分
也算是對來這5年的stupid english做了個小小的總結
不過沒有apply any graduate positions so far...
不想去banks工作，還是想進big 4，不過由于雅思成績出來的晚，現在先搞掂移民再說

最近開始了學習實踐股票買賣...回報率不錯...
在熊市撈底入市確實是不錯的
慶幸sydney stock exchange透明度高，消息流通的快，
要想得到最新消息從而轉變投資方向，不難
不過心態沒什么，輸了贏了都不會加大籌碼

只是，開始想換手機了,要實用性強，而且要能上網...blackberry還是iphone呢?
還有，愛上了macbook...不過擔心軟件的兼容性問題...有高人能指點一下嗎?

邁向honour degree前進！

解釋一下失蹤的理由：11月-1月初，回中國1個半月~
有一年沒有享受過不用上課也不用工作的日子了~回去好好享受了一番~
1月初，回到悉尼...又跌回地獄...每天就是上班，上班，上班...
對者一大堆的數字，能上心的，真的沒幾個
會計阿會計，你怎麽就可以這麽無聊？這麽無趣？

其實，我不過是不喜歡我老闆而已~

回來2個多星期了，失落了好一段時間...
現在或許還沒恢復過來...
好想念媽媽的燉雞湯...
奶奶留的冰皮月餅...
爸爸可愛的笑容...
爺爺語氣深長的那段話...

開始後悔了...
怎麽走之前，就沒多喝幾碗湯，在家吃多幾頓飯...
不然，現在還可以回味多幾番
哎...下次不知道什麽時候才能回去了...想到這裡，眼淚又在打轉了

我就是這麽沒用...

11月7日送給自己的文字


站在狂風的天臺一望無際 這一座孤寂的城市
在天空與高樓交接的盡頭 誰追尋空曠的自由

陽光覆滿這一刻寧靜的我 隔絕了喧囂和冷漠
川流不息的人遊蕩在街頭 誰能聽見誰的寂寞

我一個人惺惺相惜 我一顆心心心相印
在這個宇宙 我是獨一無二 沒人能取代

不管怎樣 怎樣都會受傷 傷了又怎樣
至少我很堅強 我很坦蕩

夜幕籠罩燦爛的一片燈海 多少人多少種無奈
在星光裡遺忘昨天的傷害 一覺醒來還有期待

我不放棄愛的勇氣 我不懷疑會有真心
我要握住一個最美的夢給未來的自己

一天一天 一天推翻一天 堅持的信仰
我會記住自己今天的模樣

有一個人惺惺相惜 有一顆心心心相印
拋開過去 我想認真去追尋未來的自己

不管怎樣 怎樣都會受傷 傷了又怎樣
至少我很堅強 我很坦蕩

我不放棄愛的勇氣 我不懷疑會有真心
我要握住一個最美的夢給未來的自己

不管怎樣 怎樣都會受傷 傷了又怎樣
至少我很堅強 我很坦蕩
未來的你會懂我的瘋狂

昨晚去了max brenner吃巧克力，sweet...
不過sweet的不是各種琳琅滿目的巧克力pizza, drinks, icecream
是那個坐在我對面，可愛地吃者巧克力的人

遇上了這麽一個人...
讓我感覺回到了7年前...

最近的事情很多，我很想去逃避...
說實話，這次我真的不想回中國了...
因爲害怕, 害怕去面對...
習慣了在朋友面前用笑去掩飾
他們說，你怎麽天天都在笑，真得想象不了你哭的樣子會是怎麽樣...
其實...我幾乎每天都哭...只是在洗澡的時候...在沒有人看到的時候...
哭者去説服自己要接受現實，哭者告訴自己要變得堅強

不過昨晚
我找回了這種久違的對生活充滿期待的興奮
找回了以前充滿堅持和信念背後的那份動力
儘管僅僅只是在那一瞬間
也令我感到片刻的輕鬆，愉快

無奈地...
每個人都會遇到生活的種種變化
每個人都會遇到一個能令你忘掉煩惱的人
每個人都要學會說再見，與最親的人說再見的時候

我，和你，和他
不過也只是茫茫人海裏的“每個人”...

the difference between rich and poor people is that rich people have too many choices whereas poor people have no choice
i'm not the 'rich' people, but...it just seems that there have been quite a lot of choices i have been confronted recently

internship in Singapore with Ernst & Young vs. keeping my current job at Eclipse

going exchange to US vs. staying UNSW and have a less stressful semester
(since i don't have to squeeze all the untransferrable courses into sem one nxt year)

quitting the job at Eclipse and look for another one
(since i'm not working so happily over there)

final exams are coming within a week
29th: ACCT 2542 - Corporate Financial Reporting and Analysis
31th: ECON 1203 - Statistics
4th: FINS 3625 - Applied Corporate Finance
10th: FINS 3650 - International Banking

suddenly realised, 2/3 of my university has already passed...there is one year closer to step out to the real world
this feeling was totally unimaginable for the me in last year...

i need to make the best out of it next year...for my final year of uni (if i can get into honour degree...then two more years to go)

"This medicine will last at most for two years" the doctor said, in two years ago...
Grandpa's health is deterioating days after days
We know what is happening. I know.
This is the reality.

I try not to call them so as not to hear any further bad news.
I want to escape, escape to a place where only lies can fulfil my sincere wish...
But...I can't help calling...
Merely hearing grandpa's voice soothes my nerves and brings me back to my naive happy childhood
I'm afraid...there will be one day that I will lose the memories of these fragiles moments
For which i have been taking care in my heart for years

Whenever I close my eyes, I think of grandpa.
Thinking of the old scenes in which he hold my little hands, walking across the road
Thinking of him ordering chicken feet and prawn dumplings for his dearest granddaughter
Even though he hit me once with a stick, i still appreciated him so much for being stringent to me, which made me who I am today

Since that doctor's words, I have a naive wish for two years
I simply wish my families could be with me as always
Forever be with me to witness every step I have taken
To share the joy of achievement I have been pursuing...

Yet, this seems to be the most impossible thing ...the most naive wish
The step that I totally do not have control of
Hope my 爺爺 can go through all these pain bravely.
I will be there with you soon...

P.S: back to china from 22nd of November till 5th of Janurary...

Perhaps i have been too stressful this semester, with the pressure from career and studies. Thanks to this global finance crisis, which adds more uncertainties towards my graduate positions. I have never been so ambitious like this as well as devastated. I don't why, perhaps according mum's saying that 'you either work hard for the next ten years, or you work hard for the rest of your life'. In then end, I chose to prior one.

Why did i raise this question all of a sudden? It was because I passed the interview of AIESEC finance team and became an official committe member of it.
Chatting with one of the interviewer today, i have never realised i would be so lack of life. He asked me to put down ten things i value the most.
Therefore, i put the following: 1. Dinner with families; 2. Piano; 3. Painting; 4. Designing; 5. Shopping. Out of the top five of it, I only does shopping once in a while (since uni started, i haven't been to any shopping except buying presso for friend's bday). He said i was following the systems. Although i had so many experiences in my life, but i never knew what i was doing that for. That was not true, but i knew where his impression came from. Besides studies, I work. Besides work, I study. Althought I sometimes hang out with friends to play mah jong or chilling out without any purposes, I am not doing something that I really want. I told my friends that i wanted to become an investment banker. They questioned me. They treated me like a girl who just wanted to check out hot guys in the workplace. Or simply a mad woman whose life is only filled up with work. They told me they got better dreams to become with, e.g. astronaunts, supermen etc. But, they never know my barely-told dream would be that I want to own my painting studio at the age of 40 and from then on, I'll paint in the rest of my life without worrying about money etc.

For those who know me for years, I'm sure you know what kind of person I am. I am loyal to my friends, I love chilling out friends and I want to do something meaningful with friends. It is all about sharing and caring. I mean my friends are great and nice people, but I just could not find some connection that is in more depth with them. We may laugh all the time, but we simply don't laugh at the same thing. To be honest, I'm not happy about the recent life. I'm not satisfied. Maybe I should, since i got a decent job and a decent university degree, why would i make myself so rentless busy. I'm constantly seeking for challenges to push outwards of my comfort zone, because I know once I lay within the zone, I'll be too lazy to get out of it. But i never look back and see how happy and satsfied I  have been.

It is time to study for the finance now. Bullshitting on blogs doesn't really help. I just hope that when i wake up tomorrow morning, i will still have the courage and goals to start a new day like today. To fight for the goal, to fight for internal happiness, i need to pay off some sacrifices at the expense of my favourites.

Add oil everyone!!! ^^

to be honest, i feel a huge distance
the distance between the me four years ago and the one i am being now
what made it such a huge distance...what made me feel not so happy these days ...

i think i know the reaons...maybe more than the reason behind me...but more...

thank you dad and mum who reminded me of what i used to be
i know what you want to express...
i really do need to make some changes...i really do need to remove the bars i am constraining myself

seriously
i really don't like to talk to you
i really don't...
i tried not to dislike u...but i couldn't help...... so please, leave me alone